Comments on Stay at home dad: Imaginings

Hello Jeremy. Yes you're right, that is fascinatin...

2007-10-25T09:14:00.000+01:00

Hello Jeremy. Yes you're right, that is fascinating. Thanks for posting it. I like the bit about building blocks vs stuffed toys - that rings so true...

Huh. You'd be really, really reassured and interes...

2007-10-25T01:22:00.000+01:00

Huh. You'd be really, really reassured and interested in this blog entry about Marjorie Taylor's research into imaginary friends: http://daddy-dialectic.blogspot.com/2007/09/more-imaginary-friends.html

Yes, something like that!

2007-10-12T13:48:00.000+01:00

Yes, something like that!

Oh dear, sorry, silly me. Is it updated automatic...

2007-10-12T08:02:00.000+01:00

Oh dear, sorry, silly me. Is it updated automatically with each phase of the moon?

Thanks IR... I think I've come to terms with it ov...

2007-10-11T23:43:00.000+01:00

Thanks IR... I think I've come to terms with it over the course of these comments!

Oh Stay at home dad, you have not failed your daug...

2007-10-11T20:25:00.000+01:00

Oh Stay at home dad, you have not failed your daughter at all. She clearly adores you and worships you. My daughter has no siblings, and whilst this is a shame it isn't a situation I can change. All we can do is support them and do our best, and it sounds as if you are doing exactly that.

Hello Pig. What do you think this is? A blog?!

2007-10-11T20:07:00.000+01:00

Hello Pig. What do you think this is? A blog?!

We're waiting....

2007-10-11T19:25:00.000+01:00

We're waiting....

Thank you MFB, if I may call you that. I'm sure yo...

2007-10-11T10:14:00.000+01:00

Thank you MFB, if I may call you that. I'm sure you're right, God, or someone else, will take good care of her.

I really like your writing style. I hope you post...

2007-10-11T04:19:00.000+01:00

I really like your writing style. I hope you post again soon. We have an "only" too or a "singleton". Some days it gets to me too. I picture my daughter alone with no siblings, as I can not imagine my life without my sisters. Not to mention my daughter has health issues and who will help her when we are gone? But, at this point we can not adopt another child. I have faith God will take care of her. That is all I can do some days.

Hi Blueangel. Fantastic - a whole imaginary family...

2007-10-10T16:25:00.000+01:00

Hi Blueangel. Fantastic - a whole imaginary family! Thanks for commenting, this has all been an educaiton...

My lil sis had an imaginary friend called Sen. The...

2007-10-10T08:41:00.000+01:00

My lil sis had an imaginary friend called Sen. Then she said that her friend Sen had a brother, his name is Ben. Then a few months later she revealed that Sen and Ben had a younger sister called Jen. Some kids need more than one imaginary friend!

Thank you DJK and well put. It feels doubly bad af...

2007-10-08T20:50:00.000+01:00

Thank you DJK and well put. It feels doubly bad after she helped me so much.

Hello Bel. No, hardly redundant and thanks for taking the time. Sounds similar to our position. You sound admirably logical; but it's a tough, tough choice for a mother isn't it.

Hello GPM. Interesting again, and useful for understanding how these things work, possibly.

Hello M@L. How poignant. And unexpected. It sounds like the sort of relationship one has with an unborn child. (I hope you don't have fires in that chimney.) But I suppose the tooth Fairy, Father Christmas et al are all born the same way.

It's difficult, isn't it. Your situation doesn't s...

2007-10-08T16:42:00.000+01:00

It's difficult, isn't it. Your situation doesn't sound entirely dissimilar to ours in some respects. Our daughter (18 months) is too young to be aware of what's happening, but husband and I have resorted to inventing an imaginary creature/little brother for her. And we don't have the excuse of being children. It's amazing how much comfort we've drawn from this little imaginary person, who doesn't exist outside our heads. According to my husband, he lives in the chimney and is book-loving, a little shy and rather gentle. No projection going on there, obviously. We chat about him quite a bit, and he seems to have filled a gap in our hearts.

I used to have an imaginary friend called Susan. I...

2007-10-08T09:04:00.000+01:00

I used to have an imaginary friend called Susan. I remember her fondly but lost touch quite a long time ago now! I was anything but an only child - no 3 out of 6 (although there may only have been 4 of us when Susan was around). Perhaps I was just looking for something of my own amidst the hubbub of a big family.

(No time to read all the comments, so maybe a bit ...

2007-10-07T19:51:00.000+01:00

(No time to read all the comments, so maybe a bit redundant.)

I always feel the same way when we go to a playground or something and see all the kids playing with their (what I then believe) are their brothers and sisters. It makes me feel guilty about our son not having a steady playmate (oh God, what an expression).
Then again, I know that providing him with said playmate would be too late now (he's four already) and above all, a foolish decision, considering the reasons why he is a single child. Sometimes the downsides of a decision pale in comparison to the downsides of the alternative. That is why you made the decision in the first place, isn't it?

How beautiful and how skillfully you dealt with th...

2007-10-06T18:48:00.000+01:00

How beautiful and how skillfully you dealt with this. I think the hairline crack appeared when you held her in your arms for the first time and realised that you could never protect her from all of life's unfairness. I think that crack is on every good parent's heart.

Hello RM and thank you. I think I'll gloss over yo...

2007-10-06T08:24:00.000+01:00

Hello RM and thank you. I think I'll gloss over your first point and mvoe straight to your second! Interesting that it can happen even in the midst of siblings. It already doesn't happen so much anymore and is probably little more than a game.

Your daughter mightn't have a sibling but she has ...

2007-10-05T15:03:00.000+01:00

Your daughter mightn't have a sibling but she has a wonderful dad and all the female bloggers out here are at risk of falling in love with him for his enormous sensitivity. Don't read too much into the sibling thing though; when Hat (who has two older siblings) was 8 she invented an imaginery friend, Elie; she used to have quiet tea parties in the garden with her. She even celebrated Elie's birthday with her and dressed up in her best dress. I think Hat invented Elie because she needed somebody who would listen to her; I think she got tired of battling to make herself heard above a much bigger brother and sister. I think lots of children invent friends for lots of reasons. A happily fertile imagaination usually.

Thanks for that Nikki. No, that sounds brilliant a...

2007-10-05T13:13:00.000+01:00

Thanks for that Nikki. No, that sounds brilliant and the perfect way to treat it I think. Actually it is also interesting in relation to the only child issue. Thanks!

My son had an imaginary friend, when he was a simi...

2007-10-05T11:28:00.000+01:00

My son had an imaginary friend, when he was a similar age. He was called Bubble and joined us for meals sometimes, as well being company for my son. This son also has 2 older brothers and a younger sister, so not sure what that says about our family or the only child debate! We still sometimes talk of Bubble - he was a good friend and we all enjoyed him when he visited, if that doesn't sound too mad. He just gradually faded naturally until we realised he never visited any more.

With best wishes to you and yours

Nikki

No, I didn't do it and couldn't get rid of it. I n...

2007-10-04T18:37:00.000+01:00

No, I didn't do it and couldn't get rid of it. I noticed a few things mysteriously turning German... What my Great Aunt would have said I've no idea (well, I have).

I've just got to ask - did you deliberately transl...

2007-10-04T12:25:00.000+01:00

I've just got to ask - did you deliberately translate your occupation into German the other day on your profile, or was it an attempt by the Teutonic brigade to take over your blog?

Don't worry, Frog, I took it as a compliment. I to...

2007-10-04T10:45:00.000+01:00

Don't worry, Frog, I took it as a compliment. I too couldn't write about this stuff until I started blogging. I always used humour instead. Don't know what's happened to the humour now though!

Hello SM and thank you. Is it mainly girls who have them do you think? Gubbyshire is a great one. And yes, computers didn't exist in my world until ten years ago...

Hi Elsie. Thanks for that. Interesting and very true in many regards. To feel guilty about this is illogical but visceral in some way.

I have typed out something i read the other day ab...

2007-10-03T21:49:00.000+01:00

I have typed out something i read the other day about an only child, and thought of you...

'If their lack of brothers and sisters shows at all, it is in the importance they attach to relationships beyond their immediate family. They hardly ever wish things had been different. They've seen how shabbily brothers and sisters can treat one another. Don't let anyone put you off having just one child. Provided she's not wrapped in mothballs, she's likely to grow into a perfectly decent sort, and when they've carted you and your photograph albums off to the Twilight Home, at least she won't refuse to come and visit you because she's not speaking to her sister and her brother's wife isn't speaking to anyone.

She'll be cheaper, quieter and faster to mature. She'll become accustomed at an early age to adult conversation and solitude and, if you are the sort of people who won't be able to resist pandering to her every whim, it will be very much easier to do it for one than it will to do it for lots.'

I think there are pros and cons to both. And having more than one child is not necessarily best. I honestly think that. Elsie